The Emotion of Pride

Don't be proud of others' accomplishments; be proud of your own.

One day in the not so distant past, I started thinking about a phrase that we have all used at one point or another. We use it as a congratulatory statement, to acknowledge a person's accomplishment of a personal goal, and don't give a thought to what it actually means. You know the statement: "I'm proud of you!"

In the past year or so, I've completely stopped using this statement. Not because I don't feel the emotions that come with the concept of pride, but because I have come to the conclusion that pride is a deeply personal emotion for your own accomplishments, and no one else's. Let me give you a concrete example of what I mean.

I have several friends who decided a year ago to start eating healthier and going to the gym regularly. They are all showing massive progress towards their goals, and some have even reached their goal weights and are talking about taking it further; some have just decided to maintain what they have done now; some are still working very hard towards their goal.

I am so happy my friends who have reached their goal weight have done so. They have posted progress reports and pictures on Facebook, and when I see them in person they truly look amazing (the camera does no one any justice). I'll admit to a twinge of longing too, because I also want to get few extra pounds off.

These are remarkable achievements for anyone who is on the weight-loss journey. But by saying "I'm proud of you!" I feel like I'm taking ownership of some of that accomplishment away from the person who really owns it. I didn't help that person with anything but maybe some cheerleading along the way. Should I really be proud of being a cheerleader, saying words that come so easily when I see the product of that hard work, when someone else put all the work into their diet and exercise to lose their extra pounds?

When I look back over my own life, there are few goals that I'm truly proud of myself for achieving. It seems that more than a few of my accomplishments were set to make others happy. There are also a lot of times when pride stood in the way, or made me do things that ultimately I'm not proud of, and caused me heartache and pain.

A friend of mine once called me humble when we talked about my thoughts on pride. I don't think it's humility. I think it's acknowledging that pride is not an inherently good emotion; be proud of yourself, but be happy for your friends and family. Their accomplishments are not yours to claim. Congratulate them instead, and express your honest admiration for them, but don't take even the smallest bit of their own pride away.