What Makes You Tick? I Hope.

Last night, Mom and I watched a movie called "Noah." I had wanted to see this movie for some time. I study religions as a hobby, both ancient and modern, and I had heard a lot of controversy around this movie from Christians and Muslims alike (funny how that works...). I study religions because I am fascinated by what makes us human beings tick. Religion seemed like a good place to start, and I was right.

By the way, if you haven't seen the film: SPOILERS. There. Go watch it, then come back to read this.

This movie disturbed me greatly. 

Not because the story wasn't Biblically accurate; the story of a world flood has been documented in a lot of ancient philosophical or religious records, so the writers had to kind of blend all of them together and see what it looked like. I saw a lot of them used in this movie.

Not because the Sons of Cain were basically living as if the world were already a post-apocalyptic wasteland; I imagine that the expulsion from the Garden of Eden and trying to make a life in a virgin world would have its challenges. Especially if the culture surrounding you were built on the belief that you were cursed beyond all hope.

Not that Noah was solely focused and dedicated to what he thought he was being told to do by God, even if it meant sacrificing his own grandchildren; wasn't Abraham told to sacrifice his own son, Jacob, to test his devotion to God? Though I will admit, that's always struck me as not quite the God of the New Testament. I'll not go into much of a theological discussion about that here.

No — what disturbed me was the overarching message, over the environmental message, over the holy message, and the jumble of accounts of the flood. The message that there is always going to be evil in the world, and human beings will always take advantage of one another, and other creatures great and small, however and whenever they can.

Time and again I have read this theme in my favorite stories and watched it in my favorite programs and films. Time and again has this been proven true in historical records of the human race — most of the time, simply because the belief systems were different enough to make a difference to each party.

I know there is evil and danger in this world. My anxiety is rooted and confirmed in the knowledge that I have more to fear from my fellow man than I do from any beast, because some human beings will take any strides necessary to get what they want, use others as tools to get that want, and then discard them as trash when they're done. We call it greed and pride and lust; we call it by many names, and we call others infidel while we call ourselves righteous when we practice it.

But I can't believe that callousness and greediness blinds us to the plight of others and makes us think that we must take advantage of whatever comes our way that facilitates our own selfish goals. I can't believe that anyone could subjugate another living being, knowing that they were using that being for their own aims. I can't believe that people hurt other people in horrific ways just because they feel that they are in the right and therefore the others are not-quite-human because they disagree.

I've been thrown around like a rag doll. I've had the barrel of a gun shoved between my eyebrows while being interrogated about which I knew nothing. I've been pinned down and forced to do detestable things against my will. I've experienced that evil, that subjugation, that greed, that callous behavior.

I have also removed myself from that which oppressed me, with the help of my family and my friends, and repeated the process once or twice, because I might just have had a complex about it. I might still have bleeding emotional wounds from those experiences that have taken their own toll on me. I was strong enough to call for help and to physically remove myself from those who wronged me and hurt me and make me feel shame to this day, and I forgive them. 

I'm not naive to the ways of the world. Eh, I might be idealistic and I don't care that I am. But I can't believe that in the depths of my soul, because I'm also a human being, I'm depraved and tortured enough to use others, to hurt others, to... I just can't. I can't believe that there are more people out there who will take advantage of others, just because they can, than there are gentle and kind souls who will do to others what they would have done to them.

That's what kept me up last night. Those thoughts for all those who are more unfortunate than I break my heart every single day and the only thing I can do to stop myself is to shut out the world, and those thoughts, they still break me. They still stab me in the chest with something sharper than steel. My experiences with horrible treatment has honed the blade. All those feelings, and I still smile, and laugh, and do my very best to make others' days better, strangers and friends alike.

I watch children's movies, like "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" and "Hugo," and I read fairy tales and historical fiction and science fiction, and I watch programs like "Doctor Who" and "Sherlock," and I do all of that because those stories, strange as it seems, they give me hope. They make me smile and laugh and believe that the world truly is a magical place where good deeds are rewarded. So I lift my broken and bleeding heart up and say this: I still believe that the world is good, and full of good people, and so what that I might reserve trust, but I will never reserve love. I will never reserve hope that we can all be better than we are right now, and even better in the tomorrows to come. 

I leave you with one final thought in a post full of heavy thoughts. I try to practice what I call "The Platinum Rule," which goes something like this: Treat others better than you would have them treat you in return. I fail and I falter in practice, but that just kicks me into trying harder the next time. Isn't that hopeful?